Cheat Engine

Despair

* Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
* Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
* Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
* If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
* Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Chuck Norris says.
* Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
* Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris can speak braille.
* Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
* Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse
* Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
* Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
* Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
* Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
* Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone
* Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
* Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
* The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
* Chuck Norris invented the buffalo, but only to roundhouse kick it in the face.
* There are three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way and the Chuck Norris way. The Chuck Norris way is just the wrong way but with more roundhouse kicks.
* Everyone knows Santa doesn't exist. What everyone doesn't know is that Santa did at one point exist until the day he put Chuck Norris on the naughty list.
* Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
* Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.
* As a child, Chuck Norris' favorite activity in art class was to Dot the Connects. His teacher never questioned him.
* Chuck Norris' body produces methamphetamine instead of adrenalin
* Chuck Norris beat Bobby Fischer in chess using only a single pawn.
* When Chuck Norris votes, he is allowed to write any name on his ballot and that person will automatically be declared the winner of the election. This explains the political careers of Clint Eastwood, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura.
* Soccer superstar David Beckham can juggle a soccer ball for hours at a time. Chuck Norris can juggle David Beckham even longer.
* Chuck Norris CAN break ALL grammer RULES
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live
* There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
* Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
* Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always
* When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
* Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
* Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
* The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
* When Chuck Norris was little he followed a rainbow. He met a leprechaun and asked for its gold. It wouldn't give it to him. This is why we no longer have leprechauns.
* The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.
* The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
* When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
* Deaf people did not exist until Chuck Norris was asked to speak a little louder at the McDonalds drive through.
* Chuck Norris was about to send an email when he realized it'd be faster to run.
* Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
* They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
* If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down
* When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't lift himself up. He pushes the world down