Cheat Engine

deleted19776 · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 12:54 pm Post subject: Writing homework

Ok, so I had to write a comparison/contrast paragraph on Katie and me. We both found ourselves having a lot of homework, so I decided to write about that. Katie's a girl living in poverty because her father died, also has a lot of school work. I am in 8th grade, so make it seem like an 8th grader wrote it.
So please say what to revise and edit in this following paragraph:

Rough Draft:
Katie and I have a lot of homework to do, but the amounts of homework we both have are different. We both are busy with our homework, but I have more homework to do, and she has other things to do like chores. The homework that she has is only the work that her regular school gives her, while the homework I have is the accelerated school’s work, my parent’s work, and many, many activities. Because of her chores and my excessive homework, we both face difficulties according to schedules. In conclusion, we both have similarities and differences according to homework.

Revision #1:
Katie and I have a lot of homework to do, but the amounts of homework we both have are different. We both are busy with it, but I have more academic work to do, and she has other work to do like chores. The homework that she has is only the work that her regular school gives her, while the works I have are the accelerated school’s work, my parent’s work, and many, many activities. Because of her chores and my excessive homework, we both face difficulties according to schedules. In conclusion, we both have similarities and differences according to the work we both have to do.

BogovicH · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 12:57 pm Post subject:

What grade are you,exactly?

deleted19776 · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:00 pm Post subject:

Xanatos · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:12 pm Post subject:

to Make Self Sound Less
Idiot.
Use Literary Device/Figurative Writing

deleted19776 · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:19 pm Post subject:

xMurtaghx · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:44 pm Post subject:

^-^ · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 2:23 pm Post subject:

Um, using literary devices and figurative language in 8th grade? Like I said in another thread, I've helped grade 9th grade papers before and even in those papers they didn't use these. I doubt 8th graders are expected to.

As for the paragraph, one major 'mistake' you should fix is the repetition of the word homework. You use it in every single sentence and even twice. Trying varying it somehow. This may be acceptable for 8th grade, but it's been a while since I was last there <.<.

deleted19776 · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 4:18 pm Post subject:

Revision #1:
Katie and I have a lot of homework to do, but the amounts of homework we both have are different. We both are busy with it, but I have more academic work to do, and she has other work to do like chores. The homework that she has is only the work that her regular school gives her, while the works I have are the accelerated school’s work, my parent’s work, and many, many activities. Because of her chores and my excessive homework, we both face difficulties according to schedules. In conclusion, we both have similarities and differences according to the work we both have to do.

Please write up more about what to do, I think i can improve some more.

Moments · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 4:23 pm Post subject:

Needs more "Voice".