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dayewalker
Master Cheater
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Posts: 496
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 Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:22 pm Post subject: Free program contest |
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| Just because I can I decided to give 1 person a program of their choice example norton 2010, anti spyware, ect... the contest is to tell a joke and whoevers i find the funniest today I will give them the program they chose, please list the program you are wishing to have and then your joke
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kosmas
Expert Cheater
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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So a man is walking into a bar.
Then he hurt himself.
Oh, uh, I don't really give a fuck, I'm just saying a joke.
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Last edited by kosmas on Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:26 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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dayewalker
Master Cheater
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Joined: 11 Jan 2007
Posts: 496
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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| you forgot to post the program you are trying to win
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emil
Expert Cheater
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Joined: 06 Dec 2008
Posts: 239
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Code: | Note from Frank: "Recently, while visiting Texas (I'm from Springfield, IL) I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light beer booth, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that even though I was inexperienced as a Chili taster, the chili >wouldn't be all that spicy. Besides, they told me, I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting {censored}-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, >sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will >eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. Atleast during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report |
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/barmax-ca/id345722008?mt=8
Last edited by emil on Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:25 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Benji
Random spam moderator
 Reputation: 3
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 61
Location: The Netherlands
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:25 pm Post subject: |
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Here's a funny one:
Like this one time this faggot posted a topic in which he asked for a joke. The funniest joke would be rewarded with a free program of choice whitch could also be downloaded for free on www.thepiratebay.org
Did I win yet?
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Slugsnack
Grandmaster Cheater Supreme
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Joined: 24 Jan 2007
Posts: 1857
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:25 pm Post subject: |
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x0r
For my prize I'd like OS X please
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kosmas
Expert Cheater
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Joined: 12 Sep 2008
Posts: 157
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Honorable Benji-san wrote: | Here's a funny one:
Like this one time this faggot posted a topic in which he asked for a joke. The funniest joke would be rewarded with a free program of choice whitch could also be downloaded for free on www.thepiratebay.org
Did I win yet? |
Got me.
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emil
Expert Cheater
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Joined: 06 Dec 2008
Posts: 239
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Slugsnack wrote: | x0r
For my prize I'd like OS X please |
This man wins, by far.
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Brillia
How do I cheat?
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Joined: 02 Jul 2010
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Crack version?
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:^)
Grandmaster Cheater Supreme
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Joined: 30 Jun 2008
Posts: 1062
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:28 pm Post subject: |
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rot1
i'd like the windows 95 in a floppy disk
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Evil_Intentions
Expert Cheater
 Reputation: 65
Joined: 07 Jan 2010
Posts: 214
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 1:26 pm Post subject: |
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Abortion, it brings out the child in you.
Ill be thinking about what i want.
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Up2Admin
I'm a spammer
 Reputation: 126
Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 6548
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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OgreDontLie
I'd like a working, full, copy of Tuneup Media.
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Slugsnack
Grandmaster Cheater Supreme
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Joined: 24 Jan 2007
Posts: 1857
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:19 pm Post subject: |
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| WHY IS EVERYONE SO UNORIGINAL
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Up2Admin
I'm a spammer
Reputation: 126
Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 6548
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Slugsnack wrote: | | WHY IS EVERYONE SO UNORIGINAL |
This guy wins.
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Dankcannabis
Cheater
 Reputation: 1
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:21 pm Post subject: |
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I want Google Chrome.
So there was this baseball player and he was like why is the ball getting bigger? Then it hit him.
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