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xMurtaghx
I post too much
 Reputation: 1
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 3611
Location: Gayville, South Dakota, 57031, United States of America
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 Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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Bad start on the last paragraph. Child Labor originated in Victorian England
(Charles Dickens time.) Has little to do with slavery. Children working in
America that were black and were owned by white people were just called
slaves. Also, stay away from racism and segregation because that was later.
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[SPW]Killamoocow
Master Cheater
 Reputation: 30
Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 439
Location: Secret Cow Level
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| Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Fierce Deity Link wrote: | Why can't you just copy and paste the sentences you find on google?
Search "How slavery started and ended"...
Find something good... |
Don't you think others would have thought exactly the same? He would get insta-disqualified for plagerism.
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Children
Grandmaster Cheater Supreme
 Reputation: -1
Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 1521
Location: Squidward's Left Testicle
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| Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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Your paragraphs are really short. D:
add more shit, son.
| Lego wrote: | Um.
You're pretty bad when it comes to writing. The opening paragraph starts out so disgustingly weak, and gets strong at the end. You put off your readers with the entrance. But your awareness of audience is well played. You need a better writing style. But you have many of the elements required.
Out of 6, this would probably receive a 4.5 - 5. |
shit man. If he recieves a 4.5-5 i'd be very surprised.
I wrote an essay about Oscar Romero for philosophy class, i busted my fucking ass off for two weeks. I ended up getting an F. D:
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[SPW]Jsin
Grandmaster Cheater Supreme
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Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Posts: 1251
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| Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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expand your ideas, your paragraphs are too short.
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Pie :o
Master Cheater
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Joined: 29 Dec 2008
Posts: 386
Location: Nowhere.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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its not hard to get 2k words. i got 1 k words in 2hrs.
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lCrusaderl
I post too much
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 4271
Location: 206.51.226.121
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Mania Guy
I post too much
 Reputation: 10
Joined: 10 Jun 2008
Posts: 2529
Location: Up
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| Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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| lCrusaderl wrote: | | Naablet wrote: | Yeah please write about Abraham Lincon and Martin Luther king!
Also think about how to start and end the essay.
Good luck  |
MLK didn't end slavery. =o! |
Didn't he?
Or did he just get the advantage to let other colored people go to school with whites and etc?
And about the plagerism thing...
Can't he justspice it up a bit after copy and pasting it?
And lol'd at Jar about the 1k words in 2 hours XD Hah!
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