Cheat Engine

~Pineapple! · Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:14 pm Post subject:

yeah it sounds good so far.

@Retallion · Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:26 pm Post subject:

What grade are you in?

zyndr0m · Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:30 pm Post subject:

You abuse enter too much, That essay would have been invalid if i were to turn it in.

goldengold · Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:12 pm Post subject:

Also, you never seem to use the word 'negro' or 'person with a high concentration of pigment in his skin'

josephreda · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:34 am Post subject:

Mania Guy · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:40 am Post subject:

Put some more of how slavery ended?...

Abraham and shit?

NINTENDO · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 12:48 pm Post subject:

Yeah please write about Abraham Lincon and Martin Luther king!
Also think about how to start and end the essay.
Good luck Razz

Eugene :3 · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 12:55 pm Post subject:

7th grade?

[SPW]Killamoocow · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:28 pm Post subject:

The second paragraph needs reword. "However, hope arose." is a sentance fragment. The third paragraph had a little bit of a repeat there. "rest and eat" "provided lodging, food". Also, rework your facts a bit. The Emancipation Proclamation only freed slaves in the Confederacy. This was to encourage slaves to try and escape when the Union army was near. The border states, that were still in the Union had legal slavery. That's all I really noticed when I skimmed it. It still needs quite a bit of work. The green squigly lines help.

DKMikey · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:40 pm Post subject:

You don't need parentheticals or a works cited page?

Another thing, you have very colorful words, but a lot of them are misplaced in your paragraph. A strong sentence normally has Active voice, whereas a lot of the time you talk in Passive voice. Remember that periods always go before the end of quotations, such as "Masters." instead of "Masters".

About the word "were" your computer is right, it should be changed to "was." White people can also be expressed as Caucasians. Instead of black people, vary your word choice with "negro." Talk about the segregation even after the black were freed from slavery by Abraham Lincoln, how the United States was separated into two parts: the Union and the Confederacy - and what each side believed. Make sure to note important black figures by name, such as Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, etc.

[SPW]Killamoocow · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:45 pm Post subject:

Guys, it's an essay on SLAVERY. Stay on topic. Racism has little to do with Slavery. What you can do though, is explain more how the slaves were treated. Or some facts on how the slaves were in the Civil War. Heck, you could probably talk about how the 54th Massachusetts proved that freed slaves could do well in war. You could also talk about other famous people like John Brown or Fredrick Douglass, people who had to do with slavery and those who were trying to get rid of it.

edit: was writing my post before Misery posted :<

Lego · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:58 pm Post subject:

Um.

You're pretty bad when it comes to writing. The opening paragraph starts out so disgustingly weak, and gets strong at the end. You put off your readers with the entrance. But your awareness of audience is well played. You need a better writing style. But you have many of the elements required.

Out of 6, this would probably receive a 4.5 - 5.

Mania Guy · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:00 pm Post subject:

Why can't you just copy and paste the sentences you find on google?

Search "How slavery started and ended"...

Find something good...

[SPW]Killamoocow · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:00 pm Post subject:

Localhost · Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 5:00 pm Post subject:

If this was on Slavery in general... I would give you an F!

Slavery did not start in Africa... Africans were not the only people enslaved through-out time. Africans enslaved other Africans. Granted, the Africans did treat other African slaves with more respect than Americans did...